My spirit is burdened today for a very special girlfriend of mine. We have lived, laughed, and suffered together--dropping to pray at a moment's notice for each other. We've shared verses of comfort, friendship, joy, and hope. We've done the Iron Sharpens Iron thing for years.
Like my mom, my special girlfriend has been pierced with a pain so deep that after suffering through it for so many years, she has concluded that relying on God just didn't work. She tried it. It didn't work. The pain continued. She hoped, she prayed. The suffering and attacks continued.
So, she cut the wicked source pain out of her life and at the same time her hope that God would fix or repair it. She has now concluded that her previous hope in God, while sincere, was a coping mechanism. God didn't come through as He'd promised, therefore He wasn't to be trusted anymore.
She has stated that she now believes there are many religious beliefs out there that are good for different people, but that a singular path to understanding God isn't for her anymore. At least, this is what I understand her to say.
My heart that has been so intertwined with her in the past immediately fell heavy. I understand that she has been injured by another. I understand her need to separate herself from the cause of this pain in order to protect and preserve herself. I understand that she tried to trust God with all her heart.
But my heart aches to think that she has given up on Him. As a best friend, I wish I could identify with her seeking sustenance elsewhere, but I can't. It reminds me of my mom's favorite poem:
I choose the eyes of a child over the grace of a woman. I feel my worth is wrapped up in the love and grace of my Heavenly Father over my own strength. Yes, I've been hurt and rejected time and again by family relationships, where I didn't have the power to eject myself, but I've chosen to run to the arms of my Savior and God. He has sustained me. I pray one day my girlfriend will throw her heart back to her Creator and Lover of her soul again.
I was reading in my quiet time about an ancient king--Jehu, who fulfilled God's commands, and then went about running the nation HIS OWN way, his own path. He did what God wanted him to do--destroy Ahab's family and destroy the worshipers of Baal, but then followed the reasoning of his own heart:
2 Kings 10:31 Even then, though, Jehu wasn’t careful to walk in ’s ways and honor the God of Israel from an undivided heart. (MSG)
Father, guard my heart. Help me to keep my hope and focus on You. I am weak, but you are strong. Help me to turn my face toward Your all-knowing, all-powerful wisdom, care, and mercy. And bring my girlfriend back to faith in You. Please. Amen.