Monday, May 9, 2016

An Undivided Heart

My spirit is burdened today for a very special girlfriend of mine. We have lived, laughed, and suffered together--dropping to pray at a moment's notice for each other. We've shared verses of comfort, friendship, joy, and hope. We've done the Iron Sharpens Iron thing for years.
Until now.
Like my mom, my special girlfriend has been pierced with a pain so deep that after suffering through it for so many years, she has concluded that relying on God just didn't work. She tried it. It didn't work. The pain continued. She hoped, she prayed. The suffering and attacks continued.
So, she cut the wicked source pain out of her life and at the same time her hope that God would fix or repair it. She has now concluded that her previous hope in God, while sincere, was a coping mechanism. God didn't come through as He'd promised, therefore He wasn't to be trusted anymore.
She has stated that she now believes there are many religious beliefs out there that are good for different people, but that a singular path to understanding God isn't for her anymore. At least, this is what I understand her to say.
My heart that has been so intertwined with her in the past immediately fell heavy. I understand that she has been injured by another. I understand her need to separate herself from the cause of this pain in order to protect and preserve herself. I understand that she tried to trust God with all her heart.

But my heart aches to think that she has given up on Him. As a best friend, I wish I could identify with her seeking sustenance elsewhere, but I can't. It reminds me of my mom's favorite poem:

Comes The Dawn

Submitted By: heidegret
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.
 Author: Veronica Shoffstall

I choose the eyes of a child over the grace of a woman. I feel my worth is wrapped up in the love and grace of my Heavenly Father over my own strength. Yes, I've been hurt and rejected time and again by family relationships, where I didn't have the power to eject myself, but I've chosen to run to the arms of my Savior and God. He has sustained me. I pray one day my girlfriend will throw her heart back to her Creator and Lover of her soul again.
I was reading in my quiet time about an ancient king--Jehu, who fulfilled God's commands, and then went about running the nation HIS OWN way, his own path. He did what God wanted him to do--destroy Ahab's family and destroy the worshipers of Baal, but then followed the reasoning of his own heart:
2 Kings 10:31  Even then, though, Jehu wasn’t careful to walk in God’s ways and honor the God of Israel from an undivided heart. (MSG)

Father, guard my heart. Help me to keep my hope and focus on You. I am weak, but you are strong. Help me to turn my face toward Your all-knowing, all-powerful wisdom, care, and mercy. And bring my girlfriend back to faith in You. Please. Amen.

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